ride home from topeka

8:45 pm. cumulus clouds... 84 degrees... a long highway heading nowhere.
two lonely cars leave me over the hill. i'm alone.




the sunset, slowly and sweetly stinging my eyes... God painting ultraviolet brushstrokes in the sky. a rare time in my life i spotted His true beauty right in front of me... and stopped everything negative in my life that would prevent me from encapsulating this moment.

as i stretched my arms towards the sky like the blades of tall grass on either side of me the last ray of sun beat in between my shoulders, and again and again I could hear his rhythm in my thoughts... those words i had been waiting to hear.. longing to hear since... well since.. 3/16/06. the rhythm of the words to cover up the neverending drumbeat that rang in my head... the feeling of unworthiness. evaporates. sweet on my mind.

funny how every success, every dollar, every new friend can never exact the validation from another man. but sad how easy women become non-clairvoyant and in love, making the coochie easy and reality unimaginable and impenetrable. it is only when we understand God's beauty that we as woman can understand our own, and respect ourselves, our bodies, our lives.. without waiting for someone else who will.

9:30pm. Left to drown in the grey blacks of the skyline, I see my exit. And forever ... I let go.

HS.