WHICH RELATIONSHIP STYLE ARE YOU???

The Pleaser – “Pleasers are very eager to meet your needs, sometimes needs you don’t even have. They love with their hearts, but not with their heads. They jump to conclusions. This category really should be called ‘Sloppy Agape’ because the problem pleasers tend to have is they’re not meeting anyone’s needs but their own. By meeting your needs, they’re making themselves feel better because they have such a high level of guilt. The more loving they feel towards someone, the less guilty they feel about themselves . ”

The Controller – “Controllers are the mirror images of Pleasers. These people love with their heads but not with their hearts. They don’t carry much guilt, but they don’t have a high value on love either. These people will analyze a situation but they have a tough time sympathizing with a situation. Controllers are very good at getting their own needs met.”

The Withholder – “Withholders are different from Pleasers and Controllers. It takes a lot of patience to be in a relationship with a withholder. These are people who’ve been hurt in a relationship before, and they don’t want to be hurt again. Their theme song is “what have you done for me lately?”

The Genuine Lover – “The Genuine Lover is the only person you’re going to find who knows how to love with their head as well as their heart. They run low on guilt and high on love. This is the person who has the heart of love, which described in one word is empathy. They have the capacity to see the world fro m another person’s perspective. I don’t know of anyone that can have a successful love life without a big dose of empathy in that relationship.

... i think i'm the withholder.. hehe. what are you??? leave your comments.

"Why are people making such a big deal about Obama's skin color??"

Yes, I'm back. And I know I've already written below about how excited I am that Barack Obama is our President-Elect. And maybe some of you are tired of hearing me talk about it. And, frankly I don't really care. Wednesday, I walked out of my apartment, head held high, a smile on my face, proudly blasting the song "My President" by Young Jeezy on repeat ALL DAY! I went to work, anticipating the responses I was gonna hear due to Tuesday night's events. Not surprisingly, some people were happy with the results, and some people were...BITTER...for a lack of better words. Again, not to my surprise, I heard some people say "I really don't see the big deal about him being black! It's not that serious!" It made half of me laugh, because it doesn't matter what people think anymore. My president is black and so is yours. The other half of me was like "are you really serous??" Let me break this down for you RIGHT QUICK!

People who are close to me know my story, but if you don't know me I'll let u know wassup. My dad was born in Illinois, my mom was born in Sledge, Mississippi. I've heard plenty of times how she wasn't aloud to go to school in the south, so instead she had to work picking cotton from sun up to sun down for $3 a day. Her toilet was an out house, and to her, a real couch was a car seat. She was 7 yrs behind in school than all the other non black kids her age, but she couldn't do a thing about it. My mom isn't that old people. She's in her 50's, and when she was young, black people weren't even aloud to vote! Just 40 sumthin years ago....that is crazy to me. My grandparents were limited to picking cotton as well, as their parents didn't have much money to live on. When I hear my parents and grandparents talk about this it absolutely amazes me.

I grew up around all white people, all white neighborhood, private Christian school, and played tennis for God's sake. I went to Wake Forest, if that tells you anymore. I've been more hurt by black people, as a young child, calling me "white girl" because of my friends and the way I talk than anything else at that age. For 22 years I lived this life where I wasn't really aware of racism and anything my parents had to go through. I had never, in my life, been called a N*&^^! .........to my face anyway. I moved to Charlotte a year ago, and I've been called that 3 times.....TO MY FACE. It changed my entire perspective. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dumb enough to actually think nobody says that word when I'm not around, but to have that called to my face forced feelings upon me I had never felt before. I was angry and hurt, to say the least. It was at that point that I realized...this racism thing is STILL real! For a moment, I wondered if all of my white friends looked at me as a N@!#$# whenever I pissed them off, or whenever another black person did something wrong. Or if they thought I was given success because I got help based on the color of my skin. After being called that a few times, my emotions were indescribable. I cried a lot, because....I mean....how the hell am I supposed to handle a situation like that?? My first instinct is to beat someones ass, but.... I've been there/done that and it did nothing.  My parents simply told me, "Ash, you just have to deal with it, and know that you're being called that out of ignorance". I just have to deal with it...

So as I tell you this, I am letting you know, that I NEVER thought, in my wildest dreams I would see a black man become president....EVER! When black kids say, "I want to be the president when I grow up", they can look at Obama, and really truly believe that they can achieve that goal. THAT's why the color of his skin is such a big deal to me! Some of you might never know how it feels to feel the way I've felt, or feel the way my parents and grandparents felt, but I can certainly try to explain to you the importance of this history. I can only pray that America will grow from it. Change has come people, and for that, I am proud to be an American.

-Raye

YES WE DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BARACK OBAMA -- PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!

WOW!! What a night!! I'm truly speechless, as I'm sure everyone in this nation is right now, whether you're white, black, purple, yellow, or blue. We, as a nation, have made history! Yes, I voted for Mr. Barack Obama. Not because he's black, but because in MY heart, I felt like he was the best candidate for various reasons. Please believe it though, I am BEYOND elated that it is a black man that we can look up to and call our country's president. I don't know if people can truly grasp the feeling this gives me and others. Yes, I grew up a privileged black female, and yes I went to college, and no my family isn't struggling, and yes I've been given everything I need and more to have the best life my parents could give me. BUT there are MILLIONS of other young black kids who don't have that opportunity; who are constantly reminded that they will become nothing more than a product of their environment as they're already starting from the bottom before they even enter this world. Some say it's laziness and some people are ignorant as hell...SAME THNG. Obama gives black little boys that hope that they too can be anything they want. Michelle Obama gives black little girls coming from nothing hope that they can be anything they want to be. The entire family gives us ALL hope that together, as one nation anything is possible. For ONCE this country AS A WHOLE is looking up to a black man whether everyone wants to or not. For those of you who don't understand: Rosa Parks, Frederick Douglas, Martin Luther King, and many more FOUGHT so all black people could be equal to ALL people! In the words of Jeezy: "I guess this is what he [KING] meant when he said that he had a dream!!" Let the black people celebrate for a moment since this is HISTORY for us!!!

And NO, this election isn't just about color. It's about bringing together our nation as a whole whether you're black or white, Christian or not, Democrat or Republican. It took more than the black people to make this happen! Everyone, black, white, latino, asian, we ALL came together to make this history and vote for change. It's not just about YOU! It's not just about ME! It's about helping the MILLIONS of others people born in this country who don't have a chance...NOT because they're parents didn't work hard, but because they haven't been given a chance. Are we really that damn ignorant America?? To think that every low income American that's struggling is in that condition solely for one reason: LAZINESS! It's crazy how closed minded some people can be. The Obama family is giving everyone hope, not just the people at the top, who not to mention could be classified as lazy as well, seeing as how they could've have been BORN into wealth. Most of all he's giving hope to those who need it the most. OPEN YOUR EYES AMERICA!!!! STOP BEING SELFISH!!!! It's not about the people at the top!!!! It's about EVERYONE!!!! And unless you're rich a hell, don't be sad...BE GLAD...OBAMA IS LOWERING YOUR TAXES!! YUP...THAT'S RIGHT....YOU!! Can I get an Amen? I SAID CAN I GET AN AMEN FROM THE CHOIR ON THAT ONE?!

Thanks to all who voted!!! You may not agree with everything I think, and that's fine. That's the beauty of it. One thing that we can't deny is that we have made this history together! WE CHOSE CHANGE!!!! I'm proud to be black today, and most importantly I'm truly proud to be an American!!!! 

And 1 more thing! It's ok to have an opinion people, BUT respect other's opinions. Respect other's thoughts and feelings. Have freedom of speech with RESPECT! 

OBAMA/BIDEN '08!!!!

-Raye

Election Day

Your Vote is Your Voice.

"You can choose hope over fear, unity over division, the promise of change over the power of the status quo."
-Sen. Obama

Quote of the Day

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.
-Rainer Rilke

The Debate Tonight.

here is the sad reality. ignorant white people are afraid to have a black president and are afraid to listen to the facts. Rather, they would like to listen to every lie, stay within the box, not move out of the 21st century and get rich of of mommy and daddy's wealth

the funny thing is, the richest cities in america are nyc and san francisco, the richest people are there, and VOTE DEMOCRAT. hmmm I WONDER WHY!!!?!?!

my stocks have fallen 25%, over survey 1,033,000 violent deaths as a result of the iraq conflict since 2003... I have officially decided that Mcain supporters are great people but dumb on politics.


Hilary

Would you testify for me? (a tribute to the demon deacon)

I just burnt my American flag
and sent three cracker nazis to hell and I'm sad
Ugh, I'm loading tips in my mag
to send these redneck biggots to some death in a bag
Choke him out with his confederate flag
I know these devils are mad
Little rap fans who live way out in safe suburbia
Would you stand with me, a United States murdurer?

Don't buy my songs, y'all don't roll with it
Coming to concerts singing hoe'ing shit
Fuck y'all lil' lil' hoe bitches
I don't need y'all, I'll go gold with it
I heard y'all was downloading it (heh)
like I'm y'all man who be exposing shit (heh)
like uhh, William Cooper
who told you the (Pale Horse) is the future

Would you testify on some realness like that?
I think you scared (heh)
I don't think you prepared

... Nas, "Testify" (2008)

Don't Vote.

Doing what you Love

After looking at the numerous scandals taking place in our nation - with my past company AIG, to Morgan Stanley, to Goldmann Sachs, Freddie Mac, and Merryl Linch, I am thanking God tonight that I don't work for a corporate scandal of a company. I work for a company who cares for people. Why did I move to Kansas City? Yes, I have good friends here. Yes, its affordable as hell. Yes, I hate the south and every bible belt republican raised there and the west coast is too expensive, and east coast people have sticks up their asses. But hey - let's be real-- the weather here is crraazzzy and I'm half way across the country from my parents. The truth is, I moved to Kansas City because I wanted to be excited to get up in the morning - because I wanted to have power and make decisions that I could physically SEE the results of those decisions all over the country, and that, as corny as it may sound, that I could enrich peoples lives.

THAT is what a job is all about. No, not a job, a lifestyle. Let's face it. We spend 50 hours a week in our respective careers. That's more time than with family, friends, or acquantances. I talk to almost all of my peers who just graduated from college, and I'd say about 80% of them are unhappy or meagerly satisfied with their jobs. What is that!?! WHAT, my friends, is a lifestyle, without a life? What is a lifestyle with a job where you don't feel like you are needed, appreciated, and compensated for your efforts??

Then I have the only 20%. Those who think that working towards a masters degree or doctorate is a solve for the lifestyle that they currently have. I'm trying so hard to understand that decision and respect that. But Firstly, more than half of the top executives in companies do not have masters degrees, MBAs, nor law degrees (if you need facts, go to The Economist magazine, Forbes magazine or other because the stats are clearly stated). In order to do what you love, in order to enjoy the lifestyle you have, why not dive into your goals instead of deriding them by avoiding the real world and sitting in a classroom to add up more student loans in order to attain that goal!?!? Instead, live for today. Tomorrow is never promised. In order to help the crisis that our nation is facing with our economy, we must take action by using our talents NOW in society rather than later.

The Key to the successful career and lifestyle is building relationships. They key is loving what you do each and every single day. I seriously praise God that I love my job. I praise God that I made the right decision to move somewhere for my career, and not for my support group. I praise God that because of these decisions, I am happier than I've been in a very, very long time.

Before thinking about your money, your degrees, your friends or family -- think about what your career is going to stand for. Are you helping people every single day?? Are you doing something that you feel has integrity? And ask yourself tomorrow when you are getting up at 5:45am, ***are you happy?***

Because if you're not -- you won't be happy until you retire. Retirement is not a promise these days! Seize the day now!! We are now adults. We now are fully responsible for our futures. If we're not happy now, NOW is the time to take action and work on God's plan for us. Obama can't do it for us. Neither can Mccain. Neither can our parents. Our friends. Neither can Our location.

Go ahead. Ask yourself.

What is this world coming to?

What is this world coming to?? That's the question I ask myself everyday. It's crazy. People are fighting for gas. The news is saying some people can't make it to work, because they have no gas. The economy is bad. I'm worried about a lot of things, honestly...way too many to name. I'm excited for this election, but I wonder if even a new president can help us get out of the mess we're in. Everyone just seems so confused. Check this video out up above. It's crazy.

-Raye

Quote of the Day: Live The Question

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.
~rainer maria rilke

Quote of the Day: Celebrate

"Celebrate-- Some see it in the mythic or mystical- others make it happen in more ordinary ways- and really, a reason can be found most anywhere- because to celebrate is simply to affirm the human spirit- to say yes to life- our capacity for enjoying, our concern about changing- how does one begin to celebrate? By finding bright nuggets of joy in the everyday- then hoarding them, squirreling them away to draw on when days get lean- by being positive and by having a magnum of hope. Celebrate, because, in the end, to celebrate is to survive." 

Quote of the Day

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this your have the power to revoke at any moment."
-Marcus Aurelius

Quote of the Day

"Whatever it is, if it doesn't make you happy, walk away, give it away to someone else who wants it. Let it be their next dream; let it flee from you. Then you have room to grow, to allow magnificent things to fill the vacuum of those seemingly empty places. When you hold onto yesterday, when you hold onto dead and dying adventures, you have no room in your box for greatness."

- Unknown

Stressed Out.....

In the words of TI, Wasssssssup Was Happenin? Raye here in the building AGAIN! Crazy day I've had, thanks to me. Ive been stressed out all week for various reasons, but today, today I hit an all time stress high for the week. I couldn't even finish my workout this morning. I'm in the 2nd week of this workout I'm doing to lose some of the fat around my stomach, which has always been a problem area for me. In 7 weeks, i'll let u know how it goes. ANYWAYS, so yea, I couldn't finish my workout. My stomach was hurting. I lost my appetite, and I was pissed off. When I get stressed, my mind races a million times a minute. My mom worries about my stress, actually because it def raises my anxiety levels, which I've had problems with in the past (it runs in the fam). My grandpa's in the hospital, I miss my fam a bunch, and some other situation has had me stressed out all week....maybe i'll explain on a later date...maybe. All I know is, it's crazy how we let past storms rain down on today's sunshine....just completely let it overshadow all the sun rays beamin down from the sky. That's what I've been doing this past week. Thanks to momma Davis' words of encouragement, I'm feeling better. I constantly have to keep telling myself, let the past be the past. I have to learn how to enjoy today. My mom is amazing. Idk what I'd do w/out her.

I'm sittin here, waitin on my homegirl to come pick me up for a night out with the chics, watchin The Insider. WTF is up with this chic who is supposedly selling her virginity, then using the money to pay for college?!?! I mean, I aint one to judge, cuz Lord knows I have no room, and NO I haven't sold my body...DAMN, but seriously?! Dang, that was 1 hell of a run on sentence. I'm just sayin though, WTF?!

And then Palin....idk, the Republicans have me speechless. 1 thing that does bother me is that why is everyone trippin about Palin's daughter's pregnancy and her baby daddy? WTF does her personal life have to do with her role as potential vice president? By no means am I voting Republican, but Palin is def doing her thing. She's a woman who's showing other woman that you can have it all if you put your mind to it....SUCCESS and FAMILY. The thing that's crazy is that, yea people are talking about how her 17 yr. Old daughter is preggars and what not. Can you imagine if Obama's daughter was preggars....the ENTIRE republican party would be in a COMPLETE uproar....and you know it. He's black AND his daughter is fitting into the stereotype. WTF?! Lol...crazy. Because it's Palin, its bad, but not AS bad.

Another thing that blows my mind about the Republican party...is it not crazy that there are something like 27 million Americans in poverty?? And we're supposed to be one of the richest countries in the world...right? I mean we gotta do better. Yes, I was born into a family who isn't starvin, but by no means RICH. Yes, I've had the blessing to have 2 parents (married for over 30 yrs...ballin) to support, guide, and love me unconditionally. It's not just about me though, it really isn't. And it's not just about you either. What about the others who don't have what I have. Do they deserve to live through generations and generations of poverty?? Nah cuzzzz....NOPE! I mean there are so many other aspects that go along with that, but that'd take days to write. OBAMA.....and not just cuz he's colored.

In the meantime ima enjoy this weekend with the girls and pray to God that my stress levels will decrease. It's the worst feeling ever. You know what would make my week end so much better??? My Colts beating the Vikings this week. ;-) If we start the season off 0-2............
...you know what?? I don't even wanna think about that!

Index and the middle finger....
-Raye

HORSE

Yes, like lil D said below, it's that time of year again. Football season baby...there's nothin like it! Week 1 is over, and as most of ya'll know I'm a DIE HARD Colts fan. Like, DIE HARD! It's bad. I tend to not want to watch Colts games around a glob of people so I can hear every single call and see every single play. Plus, I act crazy during games....screaming at the tv (part of the reason why I lost my voice) and saying obscene shit. It aint somethin you wanna be around, especially if we lose. I usually have my computer on hand so I can IM Devin during plays. It proves to be very therapeutic for me during tough times...........


..............which brings me to Sunday night's game. I aint gon lie...I was SHOCKED! Here are some words to describe how I felt during and after that loss to Chicago:

• FLABBERGASTED


• DISCOMBOBULATED


• HURT


• PISSED

I know, I know, it sounds like I just went through a bad break up right? Yea, well it feels like it. It's like a relationship between us. We go together like Nike Airs and Crisp Tees....like 4 flats on a caddy.....YA DIG?! Anyway, we all know Peyton is comin off a knee injury. Marvin Harrison is finally back after battling his knee injury last yr. Dallas Clark is out (even though I'd think for 1 game we have 3 solid WR's who could pick up his slack) Addai left the game early. Everyone was just a little off on the offense Sunday night. Balls that we usually catch weren't being caught. Peyton's timing seemed to be a bit off. Downs we usually convert on weren't being converted. I was sure after halftime we were gonna pick it up, as in the first series we seemed to be moving the ball a bit better. NOPE! Not to mention our defense was off as well, as we allowed for almost 200 yds rushed against us. AND we used all our timeouts...QUICK. This was for sure a team loss, and though I'm crushed about it, at least it was to an NFC team, and the first game. I've been reassured that if the Colts were gonna lose a game, this was the one to lose. I'm over it now (i think), and have confidence we'll get back in the swing of things. Next up: VIKINGS!


1 thing that I am excited about is Lucas Oil Stadium. I can't wait to go back for a game there!


I would like to Highlight some news around the NFL that did in fact excite me, and call me a hater if you want to, I don't care:

2. TOM BRADY OUT FOR THE SEASON

3. TOM BRADY OUT FOR THE SEASON

4. TITANS BEAT JACKSONVILLE

5. PANTHERS BEAT SAN DIEGO

Until next time, Indianapolis till I D.I.E! GO COLTS!



-Raye

It's That Time of the Year Again...

YEP...it's football season and that means it's time to start makin' Super Bowl predictions. I predict the The Dallas Cowboys, and I've got 10 reasons why:
1) They're America's Team.
2) Terrell Owens: unparalleled.
3) Marion the Barbarian.
4) Tony Romo: it's his 3rd season and he's ready.
5) Jason Witten...the go-to Tight End
6) Our offensive line.
7) Our defensive line.
8) Patrick Crayton...matter of fact, all our WRs are hot.
9) Our Secondary...I could name names, but that would take all day.
10) The Cheerleaders.

MVP? You choose! I just know that my 'boys are back, and better than ever.


GETCHA' POPCORN READY!!!

The Vagina Monologues

Is that T.J. Houshmandzadeh of the Cincinnati Bengals? Or perhaps it's Troy Polamalu of the Pittsburgh Steelers?

"One of these things is not like the other..."

Take a closer look, and you'll notice that the creature with the purple pants and the long hair has breasts. Yes; breasts. Those are indeed females.........playin' football........professionally.

Who'da thunk it?!?!?!

Yes, in the year 2000, The Independent Women's Football League (IWFL), a 501(c)(6) non-profit corporation was formed in the Great State of Texas (Go Cowboys). The IWFL is "a full tackle women's football league focused on creating a positive, safe and fun environment for the women who play the game and fans that come out to watch them."

When I was a young child, a diehard Cowboys fan and a tomboy, I had a deep desire to play professional football so that I could contribute to my team's success. Then I grew up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for that Title IX and women can do what men can do feminist tip, but let's be real...there are only 2 things that turn me on more than watchin a good ass game of football (played by MEN).

However, the rules are a bit different, and they get paid a hellofa lot less:
16 cash prizes totaling $13,500 are available for things like number of TDs, rec's, rushing, sacks allowed, and QB accuracy for offense and INTs, sacks, and tackles for defense. Also, special teams can get money for extra point and FG accuracy. This evens out to about....$1000 a pop...which is wiggity whack.

If it's 2008 and women are allowed to play football professionally, who knows where we'll be in 2025....Monica Lewinsky might be president! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

BA-L-ACK OBAMA

ride home from topeka

8:45 pm. cumulus clouds... 84 degrees... a long highway heading nowhere.
two lonely cars leave me over the hill. i'm alone.




the sunset, slowly and sweetly stinging my eyes... God painting ultraviolet brushstrokes in the sky. a rare time in my life i spotted His true beauty right in front of me... and stopped everything negative in my life that would prevent me from encapsulating this moment.

as i stretched my arms towards the sky like the blades of tall grass on either side of me the last ray of sun beat in between my shoulders, and again and again I could hear his rhythm in my thoughts... those words i had been waiting to hear.. longing to hear since... well since.. 3/16/06. the rhythm of the words to cover up the neverending drumbeat that rang in my head... the feeling of unworthiness. evaporates. sweet on my mind.

funny how every success, every dollar, every new friend can never exact the validation from another man. but sad how easy women become non-clairvoyant and in love, making the coochie easy and reality unimaginable and impenetrable. it is only when we understand God's beauty that we as woman can understand our own, and respect ourselves, our bodies, our lives.. without waiting for someone else who will.

9:30pm. Left to drown in the grey blacks of the skyline, I see my exit. And forever ... I let go.

HS.