WHICH RELATIONSHIP STYLE ARE YOU???

The Pleaser – “Pleasers are very eager to meet your needs, sometimes needs you don’t even have. They love with their hearts, but not with their heads. They jump to conclusions. This category really should be called ‘Sloppy Agape’ because the problem pleasers tend to have is they’re not meeting anyone’s needs but their own. By meeting your needs, they’re making themselves feel better because they have such a high level of guilt. The more loving they feel towards someone, the less guilty they feel about themselves . ”

The Controller – “Controllers are the mirror images of Pleasers. These people love with their heads but not with their hearts. They don’t carry much guilt, but they don’t have a high value on love either. These people will analyze a situation but they have a tough time sympathizing with a situation. Controllers are very good at getting their own needs met.”

The Withholder – “Withholders are different from Pleasers and Controllers. It takes a lot of patience to be in a relationship with a withholder. These are people who’ve been hurt in a relationship before, and they don’t want to be hurt again. Their theme song is “what have you done for me lately?”

The Genuine Lover – “The Genuine Lover is the only person you’re going to find who knows how to love with their head as well as their heart. They run low on guilt and high on love. This is the person who has the heart of love, which described in one word is empathy. They have the capacity to see the world fro m another person’s perspective. I don’t know of anyone that can have a successful love life without a big dose of empathy in that relationship.

... i think i'm the withholder.. hehe. what are you??? leave your comments.

"Why are people making such a big deal about Obama's skin color??"

Yes, I'm back. And I know I've already written below about how excited I am that Barack Obama is our President-Elect. And maybe some of you are tired of hearing me talk about it. And, frankly I don't really care. Wednesday, I walked out of my apartment, head held high, a smile on my face, proudly blasting the song "My President" by Young Jeezy on repeat ALL DAY! I went to work, anticipating the responses I was gonna hear due to Tuesday night's events. Not surprisingly, some people were happy with the results, and some people were...BITTER...for a lack of better words. Again, not to my surprise, I heard some people say "I really don't see the big deal about him being black! It's not that serious!" It made half of me laugh, because it doesn't matter what people think anymore. My president is black and so is yours. The other half of me was like "are you really serous??" Let me break this down for you RIGHT QUICK!

People who are close to me know my story, but if you don't know me I'll let u know wassup. My dad was born in Illinois, my mom was born in Sledge, Mississippi. I've heard plenty of times how she wasn't aloud to go to school in the south, so instead she had to work picking cotton from sun up to sun down for $3 a day. Her toilet was an out house, and to her, a real couch was a car seat. She was 7 yrs behind in school than all the other non black kids her age, but she couldn't do a thing about it. My mom isn't that old people. She's in her 50's, and when she was young, black people weren't even aloud to vote! Just 40 sumthin years ago....that is crazy to me. My grandparents were limited to picking cotton as well, as their parents didn't have much money to live on. When I hear my parents and grandparents talk about this it absolutely amazes me.

I grew up around all white people, all white neighborhood, private Christian school, and played tennis for God's sake. I went to Wake Forest, if that tells you anymore. I've been more hurt by black people, as a young child, calling me "white girl" because of my friends and the way I talk than anything else at that age. For 22 years I lived this life where I wasn't really aware of racism and anything my parents had to go through. I had never, in my life, been called a N*&^^! .........to my face anyway. I moved to Charlotte a year ago, and I've been called that 3 times.....TO MY FACE. It changed my entire perspective. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dumb enough to actually think nobody says that word when I'm not around, but to have that called to my face forced feelings upon me I had never felt before. I was angry and hurt, to say the least. It was at that point that I realized...this racism thing is STILL real! For a moment, I wondered if all of my white friends looked at me as a N@!#$# whenever I pissed them off, or whenever another black person did something wrong. Or if they thought I was given success because I got help based on the color of my skin. After being called that a few times, my emotions were indescribable. I cried a lot, because....I mean....how the hell am I supposed to handle a situation like that?? My first instinct is to beat someones ass, but.... I've been there/done that and it did nothing.  My parents simply told me, "Ash, you just have to deal with it, and know that you're being called that out of ignorance". I just have to deal with it...

So as I tell you this, I am letting you know, that I NEVER thought, in my wildest dreams I would see a black man become president....EVER! When black kids say, "I want to be the president when I grow up", they can look at Obama, and really truly believe that they can achieve that goal. THAT's why the color of his skin is such a big deal to me! Some of you might never know how it feels to feel the way I've felt, or feel the way my parents and grandparents felt, but I can certainly try to explain to you the importance of this history. I can only pray that America will grow from it. Change has come people, and for that, I am proud to be an American.

-Raye

YES WE DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BARACK OBAMA -- PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!

WOW!! What a night!! I'm truly speechless, as I'm sure everyone in this nation is right now, whether you're white, black, purple, yellow, or blue. We, as a nation, have made history! Yes, I voted for Mr. Barack Obama. Not because he's black, but because in MY heart, I felt like he was the best candidate for various reasons. Please believe it though, I am BEYOND elated that it is a black man that we can look up to and call our country's president. I don't know if people can truly grasp the feeling this gives me and others. Yes, I grew up a privileged black female, and yes I went to college, and no my family isn't struggling, and yes I've been given everything I need and more to have the best life my parents could give me. BUT there are MILLIONS of other young black kids who don't have that opportunity; who are constantly reminded that they will become nothing more than a product of their environment as they're already starting from the bottom before they even enter this world. Some say it's laziness and some people are ignorant as hell...SAME THNG. Obama gives black little boys that hope that they too can be anything they want. Michelle Obama gives black little girls coming from nothing hope that they can be anything they want to be. The entire family gives us ALL hope that together, as one nation anything is possible. For ONCE this country AS A WHOLE is looking up to a black man whether everyone wants to or not. For those of you who don't understand: Rosa Parks, Frederick Douglas, Martin Luther King, and many more FOUGHT so all black people could be equal to ALL people! In the words of Jeezy: "I guess this is what he [KING] meant when he said that he had a dream!!" Let the black people celebrate for a moment since this is HISTORY for us!!!

And NO, this election isn't just about color. It's about bringing together our nation as a whole whether you're black or white, Christian or not, Democrat or Republican. It took more than the black people to make this happen! Everyone, black, white, latino, asian, we ALL came together to make this history and vote for change. It's not just about YOU! It's not just about ME! It's about helping the MILLIONS of others people born in this country who don't have a chance...NOT because they're parents didn't work hard, but because they haven't been given a chance. Are we really that damn ignorant America?? To think that every low income American that's struggling is in that condition solely for one reason: LAZINESS! It's crazy how closed minded some people can be. The Obama family is giving everyone hope, not just the people at the top, who not to mention could be classified as lazy as well, seeing as how they could've have been BORN into wealth. Most of all he's giving hope to those who need it the most. OPEN YOUR EYES AMERICA!!!! STOP BEING SELFISH!!!! It's not about the people at the top!!!! It's about EVERYONE!!!! And unless you're rich a hell, don't be sad...BE GLAD...OBAMA IS LOWERING YOUR TAXES!! YUP...THAT'S RIGHT....YOU!! Can I get an Amen? I SAID CAN I GET AN AMEN FROM THE CHOIR ON THAT ONE?!

Thanks to all who voted!!! You may not agree with everything I think, and that's fine. That's the beauty of it. One thing that we can't deny is that we have made this history together! WE CHOSE CHANGE!!!! I'm proud to be black today, and most importantly I'm truly proud to be an American!!!! 

And 1 more thing! It's ok to have an opinion people, BUT respect other's opinions. Respect other's thoughts and feelings. Have freedom of speech with RESPECT! 

OBAMA/BIDEN '08!!!!

-Raye

Election Day

Your Vote is Your Voice.

"You can choose hope over fear, unity over division, the promise of change over the power of the status quo."
-Sen. Obama